The Beginning of the End

As I sit writing this post, I'm pumping my very last pump session.  I'm beginning to wean Graham from nursing so I'll be ready for vacation in early September.  Rick and I are headed out for our first solo trip in nearly 4 years.  Because we're traveling across the US, I didn't want to deal with the pump and the milk and stopping our vacation to pump 4 times a day.

Graham is over a month away from his first birthday so I felt confident in transitioning now.  Of course I battled with this decision.  I nursed Addie for 13 months but have only nursed Graham for 11.  There are days when I'm so excited the end is in sight and then there are days when I think, 'I'm going to miss this'.  I'm a big advocate for breastfeeding so there is a part of me that feels selfish and that I could keep up with the pumping while on vacation.  At the same time I know that I've done a lot for him so far.  He's a beefy boy and is clearly getting enough nutrition.

Here was my schedule pre shut down:

6am        Nurse
9am        Pump
12pm      Pump
3pm        Pump
7:30pm   Nurse

So I begin to transition from nursing/pumping and had to create a schedule:

6am        Nurse
11am      Pump
3pm        Pump
7:30pm   Nurse

I did this for 2 weeks, then moved on to the following schedule:

6am        Nurse
12pm      Pump
7:30pm   Nurse

I did this for 2 weeks, then moved on to the following schedule:

6am        Nurse
7:30pm   Nurse

And that's where I am today.  I'm one day away from transitioning one of those sessions out and replacing with a sippy cup of formula.  I'm having a hard time battling with which to hang on to.  On one hand, I'd like to keep the night nursing because I love nursing him into a slumber, but it's also nice not making a bottle when he wakes up at 6:30.  Either way, I'm about to begin my last week of nursing.  Probably forever and this may be a difficult week for me.

I want to take the couple nursing sessions Graham and I have together as a peaceful time for us to connect and enjoy these last few moments we'll have together.  Soon enough we'll be celebrating his one year birthday and I still remember those first few moments with him resting on my chest snoring his little heart out.

-stephanie